Life Frustrations!!

I know that no one follows this, and that's okay with me. Sometimes though there is a need to feel connected with more then just the people in the house you live in. I woke up today feeling fine, but as the day progressed I had this "ugh, blah" feeling creep up on me. Then I drove in down town Burlington and it blossomed into rage. Why can't the general public learn simple driving skills that can keep others safe?

On another topic my 10 year got his glasses today(hence the trip to Burlington). He thinks he looks geeky. I told him he looks educated and handsome. I know there will be someones child at school that will tease him. Either because they are mean, or their parents haven't taught them to behave any differently.

The older two kids are doing well. Julie is still active in ballet, and Tyler just got registered last week for 4 months of soccer. They are reading more, and behaving, for the most part.

The baby will be 6 months next week. It's hard to believe how fast time has gone. She eats solid foods twice a day, and sleeps 10 to 12 hours a night, usually only waking once to eat.

I know I'm lucky. I have 3 beautiful, healthy children, and a loving husband. Some days it feels like something is missing. Now, to be fair there will soon be a death in my family, it's only a matter of when. My Grandma has cancer, and was hospitalized this week for pain control. So everyone knows it won't be long. This is difficult for me. My gram and I haven't always seen eye to eye, but I feel like I've wronged her. We went a period of several years without talking, due to some issues between her and my now ex-husband. I wrestle with the guilt some days more then others. I wonder who is really to blame, me or the asshole that is no longer in my life.

So you may ask what is the purpose for this entry.  To let out a little of what is inside? Maybe it's to pacify the need for outside interaction. It's true some days I feel isolated. I suppose that could be because it's winter, and I have a baby. I then have to ask myself is that an excuse or fact of the matter?

I know I should be thankful. I have things others don't, health, love and happiness. I'm not in and out of the hospital with a sickness, nor do I have a sick child. My heart goes out to those who struggle every day with illness, babies, kids, and people in general. Maybe this is the start of the grieving process. It's really too soon to tell.

~Nikki