Christmas Over for Another Year.

Even though it's the 30th today, we did Christmas at our house today. I loved spending Christmas day with my family, and then going around and visiting everyone. I missed home and it was great to be back. Back in our own beds, cooking in our kitchen and just being. The kids haven't watched TV all day it's been great. They are actively playing with their toys which is awesome, and I think they got most of what they wanted. If there was something they didn't get they really wanted neither has spoke up about it. Shortly after we did Christmas the hard reality of lack of storage sunk in. Thank you amazon.com for being just a click away. We should be fully equipped with toy storage no later then the 9th of January. 


Thankfully it's over for another year. Back to just birthdays and small holidays, and sadly, soon, back to school. In a couple months the quest to save for Christmas will begin again. 2012 will be a year of saving since the kids are getting just one big birthday gift. So we begin saving for that in March, and then after that we put it in the Christmas fund. 


I'm just glad it's done with with another year!

Here Comes Christmas....

Yup it's that time of year again. Trim the tree, hang the lights and cover your house with Christmas odds and ends. For those of you that don't know we won't be home for Christmas. We leave on the 23rd to head to my Mom's. We will leaver her place on the morning of the 27th to spend 2 nights in Springfield to make the Christmas rounds to the rest of the family. On the 29th we will finally head home, and on the 30th we will do our Christmas here at the house. So this coming week is a week of prepping to leave, finishing wrapping, cleaning the house and loading the car. That sentence leaves out the details doing laundry, packing the babies cloth diapers (and stuff), and making sure we don't forget someones Christmas gifts as all those need to be packed as well. Not to mention I have been a bit of a slacker and Christmas cards have yet to be ordered. I'm seriously hoping they get here in time, as I plan on ordering them tonight. 


The downside to traveling for Christmas, is the lack of drive to put up all the decorations here at the house. We won't be here, why put up the tree? Well for the kids of course. Though, they don't really seem that into it this year either. We did it anyway, we put up the tree night before last. Though I refuse to put up all the rest of the odd and end around the house decorations. Why put them all up to be here to see them a week (which I probably won't have time to sit down and enjoy anyway) only to come home do our Christmas and take them all down again. Next year I plan to put our decorations up the weekend after Thanksgiving, that way we have more time to enjoy them and there is more chance of being able to actually enjoy looking at them. 


I also intend to do saving for Christmas a little different next year. We did okay this year. I saved everything for our travel, and only came up a few hundred short of what I intended to save. The expenses for the kids birthdays, Halloween and Thanksgiving were forgotten about when the savings plan was devised. We got everyone bought for no problem, and we have the money set aside for our holiday traveling, but we have some to pay back in January (which doesn't bother me any). Getting rid of some of the financial stress this time of year just about always brings might put me a little more in the Christmas spirit, or at least I'm hoping. 


Off the subject of Christmas, I go back to school January 17th. I am kind of looking forward to it. Even though as I write that I can't believe that I'm saying that. It helps to look at my degree progress and see that I'm over half way done now, with a GPA of 3.3 something something. That's with a semester withdrawn and a semester I was so stressed I didn't attend my finals (so they were marked as F's). Next Fall I will be starting the year with pre-calculus, I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about that. I have to take that math, plus calculus 1 and 2. Trust me when I say if I could put it off longer I would. I'm at the point in my degree progress where the rest of my classes require me to have these math classes done. So I figured I'll get the math and the rest of my writing and core GE's done next year. Then the following year I get to work on the remaining meat of my degree plan. 


It's been a minute since I have updated how the kids are doing, so I guess it's about time. Tyler is doing awesome in school. Better this year then he has since he's started school. Seeing mostly 3's and 4's and lots lots less 2's, which I'll take. He's also just joined jazz band, he was already in the schools concert band, but his teacher raves that he's ready for the additional challenge. Julie is still active in ballet, though she is looking for something different to do next year. I keep telling her that end of summer next year we will find her something different if that's what she wants. She is also doing great in school not as well as she did last year because it's getting harder, but she is still doing her very best and that's all I ask for. Kaylee is walking all over the place. She says please (eese), thank you, bye and a bunch of other things. She does some funny stuff like lick the kids faces instead of giving a kiss sometimes. I don't know where she gets it from ;). I'm amazed at how they are growing, and changing. I'm also very proud. 


I guess that's about all I have for now. Time to start planning out how next week is going to play out. I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday season. 

When to put up the decorations?

It has always felt right to have the tree and everything up before December 1st. I say this because December 1st is when we start the count down to Christmas with the advent calendar. It doesn't seem right to start counting down to Christmas is we don't have the tree or anything up. I don't think that we are feeling the holiday season yet, which tempts me to wait, but also tempts me to put them up. Maybe a little bit of lights, and a sparkling tree will put everyone in the holiday spirit. Then again, maybe it will be just one more thing to keep the baby from touching. 

Holiday's

Holidays are always so much work. That's not saying that I don't love them, but think about it for a minute. Halloween, we spend the money on the kids costumes, make up and accessories. All of that so they can go out for one night and get candy to hype them up till the end of the year. I doubt this holiday is really necessary, but the kids love it. So I guess Halloween is just for the fun of dressing up to get candy. Though it still costs money. Then comes Thanksgiving we go out and fight the crowds to buy the things we need to make the yummy traditional dishes for a single day of eating so much food we feel like exploding. The Moses family was lucky this year. We got two Thanksgivings. One at my parents house the Sunday before we left after my sisters birthday party, and one yesterday that we worked to prepare. The good thing about Sunday's is we it was delicious and we didn't have to do a lot of work to get it prepared. Yesterdays was an accumulation of 2 days worth of baking and cooking. All this prep so we could sit down for 20 minutes and gorge ourselves to the point of not moving, and then spend over an hour trying to put everything away. Though one good thing comes of all this cooking and baking, all the leftovers. I won't have to cook now for at least 3 or 4 days, and after that there is frozen beef stew from Wednesday that I made. Like always, after Thanksgiving comes Christmas, the most overly commercialize holiday yet. People spend so much money buying gifts for people. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the giving. I'm just not feeling the buying this year, and like always money is tight. I'll be happy when January comes around. Then it's back to buying for birthdays, and trying to find storage for all the stuff the kids got for Christmas. Though this year for my family is going to be special, we will be spending Christmas with my family and not at home. We will be traveling till almost New Years, and then we will be home to do our Christmas.

This time of year it's all about spending. Today is Black Friday, the biggest retail shopping day of the year. I still have stuff to buy, but you couldn't pay me enough to go out and battle the crowds today. As a matter of fact, I'm still in my jammies and I didn't get up until almost 10am, it was glorious.

It's quiet here, except for the sound of Halo(Tyler is playing). Jon is working a little bit. Julie went to Grandpa Moses's for the weekend. Kaylee is napping, and I'm really just sitting here. I wouldn't have it any other way today. After two days of cooking and baking, doing nothing sounds fantastic.

Oh the Joys of being a kid.

The birthday party was a success. A few of Julie's friends were unable to make it, but the kids still had a good time. Was nice to not have to clean up after everything was all over. The cake made it too, which was a nice surprise.

I watched the kids bowl, and then play in the arcade. They ate pizza and cake, and had a blast. 

This year I have more patience for other kids parents. Last year, I had very little I wonder if that has something to do with the lack of sleep I was experiencing due to a new baby. Lack of sleep makes me kind of cranky. The kind of cranky that spills out into most other aspects of my life, without fail.

This year there was little to no stress about the party, though I struggled with making the cake more then I did last year. Birthdays are always a good time to reflect on the previous year. Kids don't get that, the only thing they think about is presents and cake.

Oh to be a kid again.

Birthday Party!

Even though it is early today we are celebrating Julie's 9th birthday. She won't be 9 till the 17th of this month, but this is the only weekend we will be around to do it. Next weekend we will be in New York celebrating my sister's birthday, and the weekend after that is the weekend after Thanksgiving. That weekend is probably the biggest Christmas shopping weekend of the year, aside from maybe Christmas Eve ;). Here in a couple of hours we will be heading to the bowling alley in Colchester for a 2hr party, and then we will be heading home to enjoy the rest of the day. Will be a nice relaxing rest of the weekend. Will also be nice to be able to leave the party mess there, and not have to worry about clean up.

Other then that the weekend here at the Moses house is going to be a calm one. Hoping for a couple of drinks a few movies and nothing stressful. YAY weekends!

Well that's all that's really going on here. Guess it's time to start getting the baby's lunch together, and then it will be time to get ready to go. Hoping her princess castle cake holds up to the car ride there. If not we have decided we are going to call it castle ruins and not get all bent out of shape about it. It is going to taste good no matter what it looks like. In the meantime it is in the garage trying to solidify the frosting in hopes to increase its chances of making it there. Wish us luck.

Hope everyone has a great day, and an awesome rest of the weekend!

Up Coming Events.

It's been awhile since I've taken the time to blog. I have gotten a new blog that is completely devoted to my personal thoughts, because sometimes they are not appropriate for a family centered blog. So let's see, what's new... Kaylee is walking off and on, not all the time yet and only when she wants to, but she's walking so that's a start. She also had the wonderful experience this morning of learning what laundry soap in the eye feels like. She's fine now, but boy was she pissed getting her eye rinsed out and if I had to guess is stung pretty good. It was only a single grain of a powdered all natural detergent, but I can't imagine that made it hurt any less. Afterward all she wanted was Mommy and blankie, binky and a little cuddle time, understandably so. 


Julie turns 9 next week, though her party is this weekend. We have taken the cheaters way out, and decided to have her party at a bowling alley. Not only does this limit the number of guests it provides, food, and clean up. The only thing we have to bring is the cake, which I can totally handle. Since for Tyler and Kaylee I made a big fancy cake, Julie will get nothing less. Her cake is going to be a princess castle if I can pull it off. Pictures will be posted. 


The the weekend of the 20th we'll be heading to my Mom's in New York to celebrate my sister turning 21. I can't believe she is going to be 21 already, it doesn't seem possible. Funny thing is? Trinity started walking right around the same time Kaylee did. Kaylee took her sweet time, and now her cousin is catching up with her. I can't wait to get the girls together so they can play, should be a good time. It will also be wonderful to see everyone again. It's been since September since we were there. This is mostly due to having to save for Christmas. 


So that's really all I have for now. Not a lot going on here, really just trying to get ready for the holidays. 

Holiday rush/Updates.

Life is busy. It always is lately. This issue only increases as the holidays approach. Of course with that always comes the unexpected stuff too. Like the brakes in the car sounding like a bench grinder when trying to stop. That's particularly awesome, and sounds like it's going to be expensive to fix. Perfect time of year for it :\. With snow coming, and the brakes crappy like they are I don't even want to venture out to the grocery store, cause knowing my luck I'll try and stop and the care will just keep on going. At that point we'd need more then just brakes. 


On a happier note I've almost got the kids christmas shopping done. Only a few more things to get for them, and they are all done. Then to start shopping for family, and then last but not least the hubby. In an amongst all that is the tedious task of having christmas cards made. Oh and don't forget that there are a few birthdays and thanksgiving in between now and christmas. So yeah, things around here are busy. 


I'm finishing up school this week and next. Starting November 7th I'm officially on break till January. I am beyond thrilled about that. Will allow me the time that I need to focus on the remaining birthday and christmas stuff left to do. 


I learned this morning that at 11, winter coats must not be "cool". I say this because at our house this morning it was 34 degrees. Julie who is almost 9, put on her winter coat, hat, scarf, and gloves before leaving for the bus. Tyler had on his light spring coat and a hat. There was nothing that I could say that would convince that child he needed a heavier coat. His response, "Mom, it's not that cold out." OK boy, whatever you say.  I'm not sure how cold it needs to be for a winter coat if 2 degrees above freezing isn't cold enough. I guess maybe I need to re-learn exactly what cold is, or the boys thermostat needs to be re-calibrated. 


The baby still isn't walking. She stands on her own next to my desk, and will take a couple of steps between two people only a couple of times before she starts leaping to the other person. I not sure why walking is taking this kid so long, I can only guess it's because she doesn't care. She gets where she wants to go on her hands and knees, why learn anything new? She says a bunch of words; mama, dada, all done, thank you, peak boo, what's that, who's that and ohhhh. I'm convinced that her next words are either going to be "get down" or "no" since we tell her those two things so often. She loves to climb up and down the stairs, to the point where now she thinks it's a game. This wouldn't be such a problem if the bottom of the stairs were tile :\. 


Julie's ballet class moved from Tuesdays to Mondays. So now she goes to ballet Mondays and Thursdays. This isn't such a big deal except, we were so used to the other schedule it requires us to actually think about what day of the week it is. 


Overall everyone is well. The baby is cutting teeth, so it is hit or miss if I get a decent nights sleep. The other two at the end of the hall from her don't even hear her on nights she's up in the middle of the night which blows my mind. The husband still regularly sings his hate song and it's usually sometime early in the morning. If he makes it to 10am it's usually a good day :). 


So that's really all that's new here. Hope everyone has a great day and happy hump day!

Injustice

I follow a few blogs, and am mortified at the injustice that our society shows people. A mother drops her son off with his father on his birthday(happy healthy) a few hours later she receives a call that he is being rushed to the hospital. He's had a stroke, and has two fractures in the back of his skull that is causing his brain to swell. He spends weeks in the hospital, his Mom by his side worried if her little boy is going to make it. There is obviously an investigation because the doctors determined that there was no way this was accidental. Well long story short, he's in foster care now under protective custody. She is crushed and has never spent a single night away from her baby. Now because the child's father (or one of his family) lost their temper this mother is being punished. She wasn't even with the child when he was injured, yet now she isn't even allowed to see her baby that is still recovering from this horrendous injury.

I can't believe sometimes what our society is coming too.

Motivation is lacking.

Right now I should be doing school. I'm not sure why I'm not other then I can bring myself to open the book. All I need to do tonight is start reading, but because I don't want to I doubt I'll retain anything. I find myself preoccupied, and really I'm not even sure with what. Today was an OK day, not the greatest, but ok. I don't have anything really bothering me. I just can't concentrate. Sometimes I wonder what am I doing it all for? A piece of paper? or just to be able to say "I did it!".  I'm not saying I want to quit (although I'd be lying if I said the thought hasn't crossed my mind).

The kids are all basically the same. Some days are good days, others are not. We all have those days. I wonder sometimes about the thought process of their little brains. I wonder how they process information, and how they make the decisions that they do. Sometimes will all the work we put into teaching them right from wrong, when they make bad choices it's hard not to be disappointed. I guess that's how they learn though.

Baby is still not walking, but we still cloth diaper, and she's still breastfed. Each day starts out with trying to figure out what she will eat. I guess this is the beginning of the picky toddler stage. I don't remember liking this stage when the older two were younger. I don't think I like it any better now.  Some days I wish she were walking, others I'm thankful she's not. She's into enough stuff now, without being able to run and get into things.

Both the older two are doing better in school this year (so far). Time will tell if that will continue or not. Tyler's teacher actually has a blog, where she posts the kids homework. That way when I ask what's for homework, I have a way to double check if he's being honest or not when he tells me what he has for homework.

Why is it always easier to write about what's going on here, then it is to write about a topic that you've done research on? Even if it's a topic that I find remotely interesting, it's always easier to blog.

I haven't felt much like cleaning up... although I do. I guess it's time I find a hobby. Something I can do for me, that I think is fun. That could be easier said then done. I have to have something that I can do, to give me a break from the chaos. Something that isn't school, or TV, or reading. Something that exercises the creative part of me.

I have a break from school from half way through November till the beginning of January. I think that during that time (on top of holiday stuff) I'll try and find something for me!!

Water Pump Issues

Recently our water pump had been losing pressure. Someone would have to go in and "turn it off and on again" (IT Crowd reference, if you haven't seen the show it's hilarious.). So Jon called the people who put the well in, and they came with their truck. Then at one point there were two trucks. Apparently the piece that sits in the well at the bottom was sitting in YUCK. Once he pulled it out to replace part of it he couldn't put it back in as deep. So long story short something is going on with the well. He'll be back at some point with a camera to cram it down in there. Hopefully by doing that, they'll be able to see if there is anything concerning going on. In the meantime he replaced part of the pump and the switch in the house. Now our water for a little bit is brown, dirty water brown. We'll deal with this for a few days till things in the well settle out again. In the meantime so I don't ruin any of our good cloth diapers washing in dirty water, we've switched to pre-folds and covers. I'm washing her overnight diaper now, like I always do (they are so cheap that if they get ruined it's not a giant deal to replace them). I'll probably wash tomorrow, or Friday morning depending on what the water looks like. Great thing about pre-folds is they clean up easily, and don't hold on to the stink like microfiber does so I can go a little longer before I wash without issues.

We changed Kaylee's schedule a little. She now goes to bed at 8pm with the other kids. Up until this morning she had been getting up with them. This morning she slept till 6:45am. I was completely surprised. I guess she is finally realizing she can sleep later then 6am. That or the kids were quiet enough that she was able to sleep a little later. I'll take it.

Well that's all for now.

The reasons why... I do some of the things I do.

Why do you do that? There have been people that ask me this. For those of you that don't know, I cloth diaper my youngest. Also, she's still breastfed. I can see people asking why I cloth diaper. It goes against some sort of societal norm, or something. Seems to me I'm just doing what people started out doing before there were other options. In todays society though, I'm going a little against the grain.

I cloth diaper, because there is enough trash in this world. Babies are supposed to be a joy, not an environmental burden. If I have another baby, I'll cloth diaper as soon as that black tar stuff has worked it's way out. I'm breastfeeding still, because my baby doesn't eat right still. If she eats crappy during the day, at least I have the peace of mind that she's still getting the nutrition that she needs.

What I'm doing doesn't work for everyone. Breastfeeding for some isn't easy, it's work. After we past the 6 month mark it was smooth sailing. Cloth diapering isn't for everyone. I don't mind the extra laundry, to know that I'm not going to run out and have to buy diapers.

We don't all parent the same way. In our society though if someone is following the norms there is no judgement on them. For those of us that choose to do things our way, for our own reasons get "the look". Sometimes it's even the "Oh yeah? Why would you do that?".

It's easy, I do it because it's what works for my family. I do it, because it's what I feel is best for my baby. Do I need a better reason for not giving the diaper company's or formula company's money? I think not.  

Ramblings

Sitting on the couch with Ice Age playing in the background. Just laid Kaylee down for her first nap, so I can still hear her. She is off and on babbling and fussing. Since she didn't sleep well last night she is already bordering being overtired. My hubby left this morning for a 4 day business trip, and I already miss him. I hate when he has to leave thankfully he does it so infrequently. I can hear the washer going. I have the kids laundry to wash today, so that will be a sound that will be fairly constant today. I have school reading to do, and I'd like a nap. Nothing sounds better right now then sitting here with my cup of coffee. I had a good summer, but like always it ended too soon. With my school schedule though, this year should be easier to manage. I'm taking less classing and making sure there is a short break of a few weeks in between semesters. I'm hoping this set up with stop me from feeling so burned out at the end of the year. Baby is still not walking, but once she starts life will be non-stop. Not like it's not now, but it will be even more go, go, go, if that makes sense. These are the things that get forgotten as the kids get older. How much work they are. I think this happens because we remember the fun times. The things we loved about the times when they were small makes us forget the frustrating times. Refusing naps, screaming fits, the constantly telling them "NO", are all forgotten. I remember now, incase there was a doubt.

Well I guess it's time for me to go have breakfast, should do it now incase baby decides she doesn't want to nap just yet.

School Soon, Ugh!

As we near the end of the summer, it occurs to me I haven't blogged a whole lot this month. It's not a big deal that I haven't, but a lot has happened.

 We started to cloth diaper the baby. That's right you heard me cloth diaper. It's absolutely hands down the best way to diaper a baby. I've found it actually a TON easier then disposables. I'm sure everyone wondering how this is possible. Well for one, there isn't pee diapers in the diaper pail anymore. Yeah we have diaper pails for the cloth, but it's different and they are downstairs in the laundry room. The garbage doesn't stink like dirty diapers anymore. Poop gets flushed, the cloth gets rinsed and sprayed and tossed in the diaper pails in the laundry room. If we are out they get put in the wet bag till we get home. I wash every night and she only goes through about 6 diapers a day, 7 if you include her overnight one. I have to tell you I don't miss spending money on disposables, nor do I miss changing them. The biggest way I realized this was Kaylee's doctors appointment this last Friday. They have you take the diaper off to weight them, and then put it back on. Then when the doctor comes in he opens it up to check her stomach and hips and stuff. I didn't have to change her simply because the cheap ass disposable tabs wouldn't open and close that many times. It was awesome.

The kids went and spent some time with their father this month. They had fun, but now it's time to get back into going to bed early in preparation for school to start Wednesday. Fall is for sure on it's way.  Days have been cooler, and some of the leaves in the back yard are turning the faintest of yellows and reds. It feels like year after year this happens sooner and sooner.

I go back to school September 12th. Shortly after that my loving hubby goes away for a few days on business. Let me tell you me starting school the kids being back in school and miss fussy pants, it should be a fun few days (NOT). We will manage though, we usually do.

I'm trying to think if there is anything else new that's gone on. I don't think there has been, so that's it for now.

THAT'S IT!!

This week has tested my patience. I'm not sure if it's because it seems like they are on an anti-listening rampage, or because It feel's like I do everything. The truth of the matter is, it could be both. I don't like repeating myself, I never have. I also don't like being being told someone will do something, and having that person not follow through. With Tyler turning 11, I'm backing off nagging him about things. I'll remind him a few times throughout the day, but that's it. As he get's older he needs to learn to self motivate. If I'm always up his butt about doing things and pushing him to do them, he'll never learn to do them on his own. He'll always require someone telling him what to do. Tonight we sat down and talked about this. Now, for anyone that knows Tyler he's always had a bit of a giggling problem. This can be frustrating when you are trying to be serious with him. We discussed three things both kids need to work on. I'm tired of having to yell, and they are tired of me yelling. Now, let me explain what happens. I calmly ask them to do something (more then once mind you) then I bring out the loud voice. I don't like to, but it seems to work. Sometimes even then it takes natural consequences kicking in for them to realize that I'm not being unreasonable in asking them to stop. Oh, have I mention I hate these ages? Well I do. To give you an example, all three kids were sitting on Kaylee's puzzle mat in the kitchen. Julie and Tyler were putting blocks in their mouths and spitting them back and forth at each other, making the baby laugh. Well after a few minutes, I asked them to stop. They didn't of course. Then I asked them again to stop, because someone was going to get hurt. They again, ignored my warning. Before I got a chance to raise my voice Julie did it again, and hit Kaylee square in the face with the block. She was made to sit on the step, for not listening. We talked about it, she apologized to Kaylee and was let up. So tonight we talked about the things that needed to change around here.

We decided,
     1. They need to listen the first time.
     2. If they say they are going to do something, they need to do it.
     3. They need to do one thing around the house to help out each day.

These things seem simple, but we'll see how it goes. We will be following up in a week to see how they did the previous week. I will teach them self discipline, self motivation, and follow through. This is a daunting task that I swear I'll accomplish even if it turns every last hair on my head grey.

We also talked about the things they are missing. Reasons why they are acting the way they are ect, ect. I would post all that, but I will not publicly post their thoughts and feelings, because their feelingst are not mine to post.

Will update to let you all know how it goes.

August Already :\

Here we are a couple of days into a new month. Big shopping is done. Food prep and freezing is finished. I ended up with too much this time, so I'm making a batch of spaghetti sauce for my MIL. I made banana bread, and a cheesy beefy spiral pasta dish for lunch. Starting tomorrow it's laundry and cleaning time. Our family made a few changes for this month. The first we started clipping coupons. I already shopped the flyer, but I figured coupons couldn't hurt either. I'll get the Sunday paper every week and save the ones for products we use, then next time I go shopping I'll have between a month to two months worth of coupons saved up. My goal? is to save us half of our grocery bill by shopping the flyer and coupons. This time I saved us a little over 20% on our groceries. Not too bad, for a first time coupon clipper. The second thing we've changed for this month is we started cloth diapering Kaylee. After going on vacation with my family and going through over 60 diapers in 9 days, I decided that was too much money to just throw away. She is currently still wearing a disposable at night (a cloth solution for nights is in the works). The only other time we put her in a disposable is when we go somewhere knowing we won't have time to change her. For instance I went food shopping with her, to avoid a possible leak through she wore a disposable. We've only had two leak throughs since starting her on cloth diapers, and I chalk both up to inexperience. As with learning anything new, there is a period of adjustment, but it seems to be working for us so far.

We had an awesome time on vacation, was happy to be home, but sad it was over. Everyone had so much fun. I can't wait for the kids birthday party in a couple weeks, so I can see my family once again.

I still struggle with my patience sometimes with the older two. Part of this is because they have taken a liking to arguing when they are told to do something. I'm not sure where they got the idea they can negotiate when they are told to do something, but it weren't from me. Also we have a rule here, that they don't eat in the living-room or walk around in the kitchen while eating. This saves on messes, or at least keeps the mess in one general location. So we've had to struggle with the enforcement of that rule lately, to the point we've caught them sneaking food into the living-room. I know that pushing the boundaries is a normal part of being a kid. I learned in my parenting class in college that kids do it to make sure they are still safe, because kids need and want rules. I totally understand this, but enough is enough already. It also could be their emergence into the pre-teen years, also something I am not exactly looking forward to.

We keep on keeping on. Jon is working a lot these days with his second and third jobs. I sure am glad he likes what he does or he'd be crazy with all the work he takes on. Kaylee is working on learning to walk, a milestone I'm in no hurry for her to reach. The other two are enjoying being kids, and taking pride in pushing my buttons. As the summer presses on, it comes to my attention how quickly this summer has flown by. Soon it will be packing lunches and backpacks and back to school they will go. Then it's back to school for me as well.

So we'll enjoy the 3 weeks and change we have left, and be thankful when it's not raining or snowing.

Update/Vacation/Discipline

It's been awhile since I updated everyone, so here goes. We went camping at Moffitt Beach in NY from Saturday the 16th- Wednesday the 20th. From camping we went to my Mom's house, also in NY but a few hours away from where we camped. We stayed at my Mom's till early morning on Sunday the 24th. When we left my Mom's we headed to Springfield for the day to visit, before finally heading home. It's nice to be home, but as always I miss my family. It was great seeing everyone and hanging out for more then an overnight trip. We will see them again in August though when they come up for Tyler and Kaylee's birthday bash.

The rest of our summer consists of summer camp for Tyler and Tae Kwon do for Julie. Maybe a trip to the Great Escape, we'll have to see how that goes. We have a special trip to Boston planned for the kids, and then they will be with their Father for a couple weeks. After that they are back to school, and it's back to the grind for me. The summer seems to have flown by, but it's been great. Love having the kids home. Would like them to listen better sometimes, but as the saying goes kids will be kids. 

We are working on listening and picking up after themselves. This requires constant follow up, and is sometimes met with resistance and attitude. I'm tired of the arguing and the constant clutter of their things. They have only started this since school let out, guess they are testing to see how far they can push me. They are finding out, that it's not very far. 

Missing you Grandma.

As most of you know my Grandma passed away this April. On the wall that runs along the staircase is a mosaic picture frame that has a picture of my Grandma, Jon's Grandma, Jon's Mom, Tyler, Julie and my Grandparents. Kaylee always wants to point to the pictures after a nap or when she wakes up on the way down the stairs. My Grandma Fullam's picture where she is holding Kaylee is always the first one she points to. Always.

I know she won't remember her, but I'm glad she got to meet her. I miss her. I know there is nothing that will bring her back. I hate that she had to fight for pretty much everything she had, including her life. I'm glad she is no longer in pain, and is now perfect.

Kaylee recently got a glow seahorse that plays music for five minutes when it's belly is pressed. Last night we walked in to tuck the older two kids in, at around 9pm or a little after. While we were tucking them in her seahorse started up. I swear Kaylee was sleeping, and I'm almost 100% sure she doesn't know how to turn it on yet. This is not the first instance of toys randomly turning on when no one is around to do it. Makes me wonder if it's more then just coincidence that Kaylee points to her picture first every time.

Words for Thought

In the blink of an eye we can change our lives. Sometimes the change is welcomed and embraced, other times it's forced change. Most of the time in one way or another we make the choice for ourselves. Good or bad the change ultimately resulted from a choice that we made at one time or another. Does this not show us how very important our choices are? It should, but some don't see it. Those that do, consider their choices carefully. They weight the pros and cons of their decisions before making them.

I don't regret many of my choices, but I do regret a few. I made a few that were selfish and inconsiderate. I made a few with intent to cause pain, because I had been caused pain. That is neither here or there, and is all in the past. What is important is I won't repeat the past, any part of it. I love my life and wouldn't change a thing about it.

There are people that refuse to change. Either because they don't know how, or just because they don't want to. These people spend their lives in a rut, because with change comes growth which is an essential part of living. So essentially people that refuse to change, are refusing to live. Sad isn't it?

Each day is a gift, there are no do overs. So live it to the fullest, love without bounds. Relax and take a nap if you want to, or get out and enjoy the sunshine. Don't live your life for anyone but you. Spending all your time trying to please someone else is just a waste of time.

Update/ Time Passing

As the weeks go by, the kids fall into summer routine with ease. Kaylee has started waking up at 4:30am and not going back to sleep. This pattern I'd like to change, but struggle with how to effectively do it. So that is my goal for this next week, to push her bedtime a little later, move her naps a little. Which hopefully will ultimately result in a later bedtime and a later wake time. Here's to hoping.

Tyler starts summer camp July 11th for his first week. Then we will be going to BrewFest and then heading camping the following week. After that Tyler will go to his second week of camp, then a week of nothing, then his final week of camp. Julie is doing Tae Kwon Do this summer, and is loving it. As sad as I am about her giving up ballet, if she loves Tae Kwon Do I'll be happy to see her stick with it. Tyler has talked about doing it in the Fall, I hope he does, will help keep him active when he's not in soccer.

Julie has mentioned wanting to get into soccer next year too. So we will see, maybe put her in Voltage too, who knows. I'd like to see her try out the schools soccer before we pay to put her in a league though.

It's interesting to hear how they view things and how they feel about things. What else is interesting is who they choose to tell their real feelings too. They are closed books to most, guarded and protective of their feelings. Sharing them with only a select few. The trust of a child is something that can easily be lost, and hard to gain back.

I love watching my babies grow. They are all beautiful in their own way. Helpful, thoughtful and mostly obedient, I couldn't ask for better kids.

I go to the doctors this week for testing to find out what is causing my mouth sores. I'm hoping they find something, because the periodontist said she doesn't know what we'll do if they don't find anything. I worry a little, and hope for something that isn't serious. All I can do is wait and hope though, so that's what I'm doing.

The days go by like they always do. Sometimes it's rain, sometimes it's sunshine, but time still passes. Tyler will be 11 soon and miss Kaylee is going to be 1. Julie in the Fall will be 9. Some days I still can't believe how fast time is really going. How some days seem to go by so slow, but then we blink and years have gone by. Babies are kids, kids are young adults, and young adults have become grown. We think where has time gone? I guess all we can do is make the most of each day. Love with patience and understanding, and hug them while it's still not embarrassing for them for us to hug them.

Well that's the update. So I'm headed back to love like there is no tomorrow, and live it up today.

Pre-teen emotions already? New Phases of Childhood.

I generally have a lot of patience. Today and yesterday it has worn down to nothing. First I'm in a lot of pain with my mouth, that doesn't help. Secondly, the kids have forgotten in the last week how to pick up their things. I think they think that because they are on summer break they don't have to pick up. Well they are wrong. Tyler is rocketing into his preteen years with attitude. It's now extremely important to listen and take into consideration his feelings. It however is also important he understands our point of view. This sounds simple, it's not. As a preteen their emotions are all that there is. So we are entering a new stage with him. Julie now changes her clothes two or three times when she gets dressed and struggles to settle on something she likes. She gets frustrated and cries. So both of the older two are entering different phases of their development and they are beginning to clash in the worst way. The fights between them are no longer about Julie not wanting to play xbox or Tyler not wanting to go outside. It's you be quiet, make me, I will.... really? you've got to be kidding me. So now instead of simple problem solving compromising resolutions, we've resorted to encouraging them to spend time apart until they cool off. This is difficult for them as they get bored easily and always seem to want someone to play with.

I'm scared to think that this might be what our whole summer is like. Let alone the next 4 or 5 years as they adjust into adolescents I guess it is time for me to change my parenting skills a little to accommodate their changes. It is happening a lot sooner then I anticipated, they are rapidly growing from young kids, to young adults. It feels too soon.  I guess you just have to do what feels right and hope that it's what is right. Hang on here we go, feels like we've started a new roller coaster ride.

Summer is here.

Summer time is officially here. The kids had their last half day of school on Thursday and it feels like it's been chaos every since. Tyler has been over to his friends and had his friend over here for the last couple of days. Julie, Kaylee and I went for a walk, and Julie and I made a pudding dessert. Say anything you'd like about our home, but it has been everything but quiet.

Kaylee is getting more teeth, so she's been messing with her schedule a little bit again. She's getting one right after another right now. Her second bottom tooth broke threw a few days ago, and you can see where the top two are going to be next.

Monday Tyler starts soccer camp 9am-12pm for the week. Julie will begin taking Tae Kwon Do classes as of Monday as well. She wanted to do that instead of summer camp this year. She is still undecided about wanting to take ballet next year, but she danced around the kitchen making her lunch today. So if I'd have to guess she will probably do it next year, as much as she says she doesn't know. I guess it will all depend on if she likes Tae Kwon Do or not. Time will tell I guess.

Tyler will be attending 3 weeks of summer camp spread out over the whole summer starting July 11th. He is going to have a good summer I think, especially since he has a good friend that lives so close. I bet we won't be seeing much of him or if we do we'll have a house full.

So here we go, on the summer roller coaster. Kids in and out tracking in dirt and grass, and me trying to clean it up before the crawling baby eats it.

Time Flies

One day they are babies that rely on you for everything. The things that could make them smile were simple, and a clean diaper and full belly made them happy. As they grow they become complicated to amuse, and difficult to understand, then they become adults. I remember when each of my kids were born, very vividly. The details of some of the things they used to do have faded some. As time passes and they have grown, their individuality and differences only enhance their beauty.

As kids we don't see this, we don't appreciate the difference between ourselves and others. We rely on our peers and parents to build our self image and self esteem to some extent. A child needs something they are good at, can be proud of, and something that makes them feel special. That thing for Julie right now is ballet. She had her performances this weekend and did awesome. She was proud of herself, and we were proud of her too. I think Tyler might have even been proud of her, but he won't admit it. In her hands now rests the choice of continuing with it next year or not. Tyler's thing has been soccer for going on 3 years now, he loves it. Is getting good at it, and is proud of himself for his accomplishments. I think every child needs something they take pride in. A bonus to the things that they love? It keeps them active.

This summer Julie wants to try something different, we told her she absolutely could. Maybe she'll do both next year since she doesn't play a sport, but we'll have to see how it goes. Tyler has mentioned wanting to get into Hockey, which I think is cool. We've looked but have had little success in finding out when or if they offer Hockey around here.

Soon they will be more interested in their friends and activities then family. Right now, they love the attention that being in other activities gets them. Soon it will just be about their friends and the art or competition. As of now, as a parent I feel like I am helping them be well rounded. Dedication to an art or sport adds to their focus on their studies.

The baby has yet to find something she enjoys more then putting things in her mouth. This too will pass from crawling and babbling, to walking and talking. The years from infancy to adulthood pass by so quickly. Enjoy every moment of them, because time flies.

Worn Out

This week has been a long rough one. Today feels to me like it should be Friday. Sadly though it is not :(. Jon has been driving Julie to Johnson for her rehearsals. I've been staying her and taking care of Kaylee. Since she has started to move forward on her belly, it means a bath every night. Some how she managed to be ready for bed at 5:30pm last night. This means I was up at 5:30am this morning. Hoping to be able to keep her up till 6pm tonight, that way I can at least sleep till the kids need to be up. Overall she's in good spirits as we wait for her to get tired and crash for her second nap. Her first nap was only a half hour so I'm hoping the next one will be close to two hours. I'm not going to hold my breath though.

When Kaylee goes to bed tonight the older kids and I are going to play xbox monopoly. I'm thankful for the summer no classes means less stress. I've been able to clean, do laundry and play with baby without having to worry about homework. I'm registered for the Fall semester and classes for me start September 12th. They will go till sometime in November and then I'll have a break from November to January and begin Spring semester in January. I will most likely be taking one class next summer though as it's becoming obvious to me that I need to get my Math out of the way to make any significant progress with my degree.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Hoping to sleep in at least one of the days since it feels like I've been hit by a bus. I also can't wait to go see Julie's performance that she's worked so hard for. Things have been so busy, I'm just ready for things to calm down again, maybe then I can get some sleep.

What's Changed

Well it's been a bit since I've blogged. Lack of time has been a contributing factor. With Kaylee getting older, she's requires a bit more looking after. Let's see what's gone on since I last wrote? Well we got a newer larger vehicle. Not because we wanted to, but because we needed to, the kids were cramped in the Audi. We enjoyed testing it out with a trip to my Mom's, it worked out lots better there was a lot less fighting coming from the back seat.

We put the pool up today, now all we need to do is get a new filter and get the chemicals in it. With it supposed to hit 92 tomorrow, the pool should start to warm up nicely.

We are still trying to make sure we get all that we need for camping in July. We have the kids air beds, and we have one we can sleep on, though it has a slow leak it's a double decker so we shouldn't have any giant problems. Only a few more things left to buy and we'll be all set. I'm so excited. I love spending time with my family, to be able to do it for a whole week will be a real treat.

We've started planning Kaylee and Tyler's party. Figured we'd do them both in one weekend so everyone could come together for it. We checked with Tyler first of course, and he said that it would be fun.

Things are busy around our house this week. Julie has several rehearsals in Johnson in preparation for the performances this coming weekend. She's both nervous and excited. I'm so proud of her for sticking with it, even when it got hard. I'm hoping to see her continue with it next year, but ultimately the choice is hers. We are striving to not be too sleep deprived by the end of June when all their activities come to an end for the year. Track for them ended last week. Tyler received notice for the most sit ups in a minute.

As their birthdays creep closer I reflect on this year. I am amazed at how much they have grown. How mature they are becoming, and at the changes in their personalities. I am very proud of my kids, they are awesome.

Blue :(

Today I'm feeling very down on myself. Kaylee is a little over 9 months and I still can't fit into my pre-pregnancy cloths. This generally wouldn't bother me, however we are coming up on summer and I have one summer outfit that fits. It's going to be 75 today and I'm in jeans. I understand this is normal, and part of having a baby. I don't have to like it though. I've started walking a few times a week, and next week am going to start the couch to 5k program. I can't take it anymore. I can't really diet because I'm still nursing, and I'm on the depo shot and I'm sure that doesn't help either. Regardless of any of the factors that are against me losing weight, I eat healthy. I don't overeat and I'm exercising regularly. I guess I just feel stuck, for the past 3 months the scale hasn't moved more then a pound or two either way. It's frustrating.

Will I Ever Learn?

I'm not sure why I haven't learned. I woke up at a little before 4am this morning, because Kaylee needed to eat. So I get up, feed her and then proceed to check my facebook and email before going back to bed. Worst mistake of my morning, seriously. I don't understand why I don't learn, not to do this. It completely blows my mind how people can disregard and ignore their past actions. I'm not perfect, and have made my share of mistakes. I don't try and pretend they didn't happen. The absolute lack of respect is because I've seen what you are unwilling to accept took place. That's not something I can change, so I'm letting it go. As long as civil communication can be maintained I'm going to ignore the anger, that I'm receiving so I don't give it back. It's the adult thing to do.

It's quiet in the house this early with everyone in bed. I snagged one of my hubby's fleeces out of the closet, because it's a little brisk downstairs this morning. I made myself a cup of coffee and am munching on banana bread. In about 10 minutes I'll go wake the big kids up so they can shower and get ready for school. It's kind of a bummer I'm up this early, but I don't really mind. It's not like I'm completely exhausted, and I have a great life. It makes it easier to smile in the morning when really life couldn't get any better. I have an awesome husband that loves me, and three amazing kids. I love watching them grow, change and mature. I'm very proud of the people my children are becoming. They are well rounded, responsible, open, honest and happy.

So here's to another great day! Start it with a smile and end it with a smirk :).

BOB Revolution

I have what you would call a stroller addiction. Although in all fairness they are all bought with a purpose. I wish I could find one that is everything I want, and serves all purposes, but they don't. We have the stroller that came with her infant car seat. That's our go to the fair, have to bring the big diaper bag stroller. I picked up a Macleran umbrella stroller, because Jon is tall and we wanted a stroller that was light that we both could push. So we have that one, then we wanted a jogger we could run with. So I did a bunch of research and found one I liked and we ordered it. The City Mini by BabyJogger, turns out that one is a beefed up umbrella stroller and is not for running. We loved it so much that we decided to keep it, and get a real jogger once the time came where we could run. So the other day I ordered the BOB Revolution, this one is really for jogging, and it's AWESOME. It's a smooth ride for the baby and practically pushes itself. I went almost 8 miles with it today some time with the front wheel both unlocked and locked and it still pushes like a dream. If anyone is looking for a serious jogging stroller this is totally worth the large price tag. Having gone through many strollers, for running and jogging I'd have to say this is the best I've used so far.

I'm hoping the combination of the awesome stroller and Kaylee loving to ride, I can get my butt back in shape.

My next investments for this stroller are the warm fuzzy to cushion the seat and help keep her warm, and the rain shield for when it starts to sprinkle and we are 3 miles from home. I say that only because that happened to us today. I'll be better prepared next time.

Today I did what I wanted, walked and jogged with the baby. Ignored the dishes :). Had lunch, and then napped when she napped, well, because I could.

I have to do dishes tomorrow, clean up the kitchen and do some laundry. I hope to be able to walk again, assuming it isn't raining again. Then I have to take Tyler to his practice. Tomorrow they do their individual and team photos. I love my family, and am so proud of all of them.

Decluttering

It's been a week with no school. I have successfully picked up and cleaned most of the house, minus the office of course. I'm hoping that this coming weekend we will get to that. I'm not going to hold my breathe though. The kids did an awesome job helping me clean out their drawers of things that don't fit them, as well as putting all their laundry away. All the beds in the house have had the bedding changed, now to wash all the old bedding. This morning when I got up, I did dishes and picked up the kitchen, then it was laundry time. Today will be load after load of washing, drying and folding. Thankfully it's just Jon and I's stuff and the bedding. I did a load of the kids clothes over the weekend. It's a good feeling when Julie says to me, "Mom I wore that yesterday, did you wash it already?" Yes, yes I did Julie.

Since the lady that was helping me clean was doing a mediocre job and hasn't called or showed up in over a month, she's fired. I'll clean the house myself from now on till school starts. Once school starts again I may find someone else that can come twice a month at least to help with the floors, since that seems to be the hardest thing to find the time for.

Everything here in the Moses house is good. The older kids are staying busy, and loving it. Jon is enjoying his job, and I'm enjoying having the time to pick up and not have everything be cluttered. Eventually I will get to the closets, even though the thought of that makes me shudder just a little. They aren't terrible, but there are a few that I don't look forward to having to deal with. Sadly the time will come where I have to. I'm thinking for the office closet that time will come when the air conditioner needs to be put in upstairs, because currently that unit is in the office closet. I hope to have the house organized completely by the time I go back to school, this will make maintaining it easier, especially since I don't have a cleaning lady anymore.

As things continue to stay busy around here with the kids after school activities. I look forward to Tyler's first soccer tournament. He's gotten so good at the game this year. I contribute that to his awesome dedicated coaches. He's gained a lot of confidence in himself in the last 3 months or so, and it's nice to finally see him not so angry at life. I also look forward to Julie's recital. She's worked so hard, and is very good at it. I hope to see her continue with it during the school year next year. We will see though, both kids this summer want to try something new and attend summer camp.

It's been a great year so far. I don't expect the second half will be anything less then that.

Summer Vacation

I am officially on summer break, and let me tell you what it is AWESOME!!! I did 1 load of laundry today, and took care of baby. When she napped I read. Yes you all heard me right, I read a book, that wasn't a school book. How weird is that? With my recent schedule it had been impossible to recreational read. I am thrilled to have little to no stress. I think the biggest thing that gets overwhelming is making sure the kids after school activities don't overlap. For those of you that know what I'm talking about, know that this is almost no stress at all. I love it!!!

I'm so proud of my older two. Julie earned a t-shirt in ballet class today for remembering the most when they were quizzed and for being the most engaged in class. Tyler had the option of attending additional soccer practices this week with the U12 team, and he decided to attend them, so he has practice 4 days this week. I'm so proud of the effort they put forth in not only their school studies, but their after school stuff.

I'm looking forward to my extra free time on the weekends. There will be more trips to the park, and out for walks. Life is good!!

Mother's Day!

Today is Mother's day. Yesterday Kaylee let us sleep in till 8am. Today she was up at 6am, I'll take that over 5am, but I think she thought yesterday was mother's day. So I'm getting Kaylee changed and dressed around 6:20, when it became apparent she wasn't going back to bed. Julie walks through Kaylee's room and asked me if I was going back to bed. I told her I wasn't, but I would stay upstairs for a little bit. It's a Mother's day tradition that I get breakfast in bed, so after Kaylee was dressed I went in and sat on the bed. This is something they love doing, so I figured even though I was up I wouldn't rob them of being able to give me breakfast in bed. Of course as soon as they brought it up Kaylee put her hand in the cereal. She's recently discovered feeding herself, and decided my cereal looked good. Tyler gave me a beautiful drawing with different cars on it, and Julie gave me a flower pot she decorated at school. Jon offered to take them shopping yesterday, but neither kid said they needed to go. I guess they were satisfied with what they had made me. Which is just fine by me :).  

I sent my Mom her stuff this week Thursday. It was waiting for her in the mail on Saturday, but with life being busy she didn't have time to get the mail Saturday. She will get her Mother's day stuff from me Monday. I feel for her and my Aunt today. This is their first Mother's day without their Mom. I can't even imagine what they must be feeling today, other then empty. Although it is a joy to be a Mom, the person that has taught you to be a Mom, your Mom is just as important. So as I enjoy my time with my kids today, I think of my Mom and Aunt, and hope they find peace on this day. She smiles down from heaven I'm sure, full of love and pride at her beautiful girls. Hey I bet breakfast with the angels is better then breakfast in bed ;). I love you Mom, Aunt Shelley and Grandma!

Also a few other Mom's I can't forget to mention. My Grandma Lambert, my MIL Michelle, my Grandmother In Law Bev, I hope you wonderful ladies enjoy your wonderful day. 

Plans

Well today I got some questions answered. I'm very pleased with the answers I received. They were what I expected, but it's nice to be reassured. Isn't it awesome when people think they can walk all over you and demand things from you, only to find out for sure that they can't.

I have grown to love Fridays. I'm sure you all are wondering why that is. Well, I'll tell you why, it's the only day of the week I don't have to play kid taxi. Although the kids will be home soon, I don't have to take them anywhere, and the best part? It isn't raining so they can go outside and play!!! I'm pretty sure we are not the only ones tired of the rain. Will be nice to see the sunshine this weekend. I'm ready to get out and walk again. I'm sure baby is too, she's been good though slept in till 6am this morning. That probably had something to do with her 2:30am feeding, which I'm fine with if she sleeps till 6am hahaha. She goes to bed around 5:30pm-6pm so when she was up at 2:30am she had already been asleep for 9hrs. I'll take that for sure over some of the alternatives.

Not much else is new here, school for me is over as of Monday!! YAY! I'm sure I'm not the only one that is excited for this. My family has been exceedingly patient with me always needing to do school, and not having a lot of free time. I'll will be happy to be able to give them more of my attention, they deserve it.

My awesome hubby didn't give me any crap last time about going to bed super early. I really did want to watch a movie, but knew once I got upstairs that I wasn't going to make it through one. I was beat. Kaylee's track record for sleeping in this week has been awful, and it was starting to catch up with me. Thankfully after some much needed rest I'm feeling a bit more with it today. Hopefully that means I'll have a little more patience this afternoon.

Life is good here at the Moses home. Monday after my exam I'll swing by Walmart and pick the kids up a few things they need. Julie says she needs summer pajamas, and I can't remember what Tyler said he needed, and the baby needs a couple of things as well. Nothing too extreme, but getting to that season where we need to make sure the kids have the summer stuff they need. Don't want them to wake up one morning and have it be 80 degrees and have them have nothing to wear, if you know what I mean.

We hope to do a lot this summer. The kids want to go to the Great Escape in Lake George. We are going camping in the Adirondack's with my family in July. I can't wait for that!! I miss them so much, but with my parents working and gas being through the roof, we haven't seen them much. I'm excited for the kid's birthdays this year too. Little Kaylee will be 1!! Doesn't seem possible that it's so close already. How fast a year goes by. Tyler will be turning 11, he's such a big boy and has matured so much this last year. Julie will be 9, and rapidly developing her sense of self. The kids want to go to summer camp again this year, as well as trying out Tae Kwon Do. So for this household the summer is going to be busy as well, but a whole lot of fun!!!

Sugar Toxic?

With the ever rising health issues in our society today, it has got me thinking a little more seriously about what we eat. I read an article: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/17/magazine/mag-17Sugar-t.html?_r=3&pagewanted=all

The article above outlines how dangerous added sugars are to our system. Having shopped since reading this I can tell you that they are in just about everything we buy.  From cereals, cookies and cakes, to BBQ sauce and preserves, these hidden sweeteners could be the root of many diseases our society is currently suffering from. Some of you may think I'm a hippy for this, but it's scary to think we are poisoning ourselves simply by eating something that tastes good. So last time I went shopping I didn't by anything with High Fructose Corn Syrup or Corn Syrup and attempted to avoid things with a lot of added sugar. I bought a lot of organic low sugar stuff and produce, lots and lots of produce. Oddly this was accepted well in my house, the kids are eating for fruits and veggies and reaching less and less for the processed sugary foods. They both pack their lunches most days heres what they packed today. Julie had a tuna sandwich on whole wheat bread, an apple, an orange and raw broccoli and cauliflower. Tyler had a peanut butter and jelly (trying to find a jelly substitute), cucumber slices, strawberries and goldfish crackers. I would rather take the extra time to pack their lunches, so I know they are eating healthy then have them eat at school and not know what they are putting in their little bodies. I don't go crazy with this, they eat school lunch a few times a week, they are still kids and need to not feel restricted. I think you get the idea though.

Making a change even if it is a small one, takes time and persistence, but this one I feel will be worth it for my health and my families health.

Update.

As Mother's day rapidly approaches I find myself like every year, regretting I don't live closer to my Mom. I wish that I could see her more, along with the rest of my family that lives in that area. Recently events and circumstances have made that difficult. I hope to make a trip that way soon though. I know this year is going to be difficult for both my Mom and my Aunt, as this is the first Mother's day without their Mom (my Grandma). I wish there were words to help, but there are none. There is nothing anyone can say to easy the grieving and pain of missing a loved one.

Things around here are busy lately. Tyler is in Vermont Voltage Soccer League again this year, and the outdoor season has just started. Practices twice a week Mondays and Wednesdays 5-6:30pm. They both do track on Wednesday from 3-4pm. Julie still has ballet Tuesdays and Thursdays, though doing her hair since her recent cut has been challenging. The only day around this house that we don't play kid taxi is on Friday's.

School for me is ending soon, which I'm thrilled about. Looking forward to my summer break with family.

What's New

It's hard not knowing how they are, or what they are doing. I'm curious why they haven't called, as by now I've usually heard from them. Maybe he is trying to show me how he feels most of the time, or maybe it's something else altogether. Either way, I'm ready for them to be home. I never look forward to the after period, as they go through a rough patch. It is what it is, and that's how it is right now.

I've been finding myself with a little bit of free time lately, only having two classes helps that. I'm hoping for a fun filled summer with all of my babies. Time in the pool, time at the lake, picnics in the yard and camping. Waiting for school to be over, I know it's almost done, but it's not finishing fast enough for me this year. I realized right before the older two left, that Julie is lacking time with just me. So we made a plan to work on something she wanted to do, just her and I every Monday night for at least an hour. Now Tyler and I need to find something to do together. I'm thinking maybe building one of his Kinex things, since he has a few of them that are unbuilt from Christmas.

Other then things being quiet around here right now, life is good. Thursday afternoon Jon will pick up his cousin Mariah in Randolph. Friday her and I will go get our nails done. Saturday I'll go pick up the kids maybe Mariah will go to keep me company on the way there. Saturday night I'll be taking Mariah to a concert at Higher Ground in Burlington and Sunday one of us will take her home.  Sunday is also Easter, we picked up the kids baskets, we got the baby a pair of shoes since she can't have the candy. Also that day we will have an Easter egg hunt around the house. We did it for the kids last year and they said they had a blast with it, and wanted to do it again this year. I like when that happens.

Today Murphy goes for his yearly shaving and bath. He gets a bath more then once a year of course, but he only gets a full shaving once a year. We need to find a length for his hair that keeps him warm, but that doesn't get all knotted up. Currently he's so full of knots, his hair is a shameful mess, and to make matters worse he stinks. So hopefully when I pick him up he will smell better and have a lot less hair.

As all babies do Kaylee is changing her schedule again, although thankfully she slept through the night last night again. She is going back and forth between two naps and three a day, but unfortunately this change has changed the time she is waking up in the morning. Let me tell you 5:30am is NOT and acceptable wake up time for a baby. So now comes the challenge of shifting her schedule just enough so she sleeps a little later in the morning.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday.

Recent Activity

Well I'm almost done with school. One less then one month left, I can't even begin to explain to everyone how much I'm looking forward to it. This year has been hard for me, mostly because I think I took on more then I could handle. It takes a lot for me to admit that, but I can't deny being overly stressed and overwhelmed most of this semester. That's not really how I like to conduct business usually.

Kaylee has decided to change up her schedule again and has resumed waking in the middle of the night. I think it's because we starting giving her a third solid feeding a day. It could be a growth spurt, it could be teething, since at almost 8 months she still has no teeth. Either way I would like her to resume sleeping through the night again, its only been two days but I'm feeling it already.

Went and had lunch at the school with the older kids today. Pulled Julie into Tyler's lunch period so we could all eat together. I like being able to do stuff with them like that. It only takes a few minutes out of my day, but I know it means a lot to them. As a bonus I didn't have to try and decide what to have for lunch.

Today when the kids get home Julie will get ready for ballet and while she is gone Tyler and I will pack his things to go with his Father.  When Julie gets back her and I will pack her things to go. After both kids have finished their homework of course. I'm going to miss them a whole lot, but I hope they have a good time.

Updated Ramble.

Yesterday was my husbands 31st birthday. I am usually all ready weeks before with his card and a gift. I did terrible this year. I had to take the kids out shopping when they got home from school yesterday. Talk about poor planning. We then met his Mom at Jeff's Maine Seafood for supper. Once we got home, it was time for the baby to go to bed. We then did his presents (shamefully unwrapped) and then the kids went to bed and then is was crunch time.

I've learned a lot about myself in the last few days. Some things I already knew somethings maybe that have always been there, but went unnoticed or unacknowledged. I hate being late when I go places. I also hate having an assignment be late. This time there was a good reason for me asking for an extension, but I still don't like doing it. I don't like knowing that I'm behind. I take school very seriously and sometimes that causes me additional stress. Last night was one of those times, where I was pushing right up against the time I told my professor the assignment would be turned in.

Today thankful can be a little less stressed. I have a couple things due this weekend, and some participation, but it's not a 10 page assignment, so there shouldn't me much stressed associated with trying to get them done. I have exams for two of my classes next week. I'm thankful that two of my classes are ending, four classes I've decided is too much for me with a baby. I think three a semester will do nicely next year.

With great change comes adjustment. This natural adaptation affects some greater then others, this is directly related to level they were involved with things before they changed. Sometimes change is good. More often then not change is welcomed. Sometimes it's not, it ripples the natural rhythm of our daily lives. Sometimes change causes great sorrow, sometimes for an extended period of time. There are no words that people can say to make it better. No matter how much they say they understand, they don't know exactly how we feel, because our feelings are our own. Everyone deals with emotions in a different way. Some outwardly talk about them. Others when emotionally overwhelmed hide them away until they are ready to deal with them, call it a natural defense mechanism. Most times we can't control if we become emotionally overwhelmed so we protect ourselves by handling only a little of it at a time. We go over everything in our heads, wishing there was something could have done to change the course of events. Time truly the one thing in this life we can't make more of. It's not something we are guaranteed either.  Feeling regret doesn't change anything. Do what we can do with the time we have, I have learned that maybe I need to work on my order of priorities. There are choices that I made that I wish I had made differently. I keep telling myself I can't change them now. That all I can do is choose wiser in the future.

What we do today sometimes effects tomorrow, sometimes it doesn't. Some days we change and learn new stuff, some days we don't. I'm thankful for the days we don't. I couldn't image huge changes in my life everyday, I don't think I could handle the stress.

Tomorrow I head to Chester again, all of us. Hopefully I can make the drive this time without crying all the way there. I've been doing ok, keeping to together. I can't change it, but that doesn't stop it from hurting. One day at a time.

Letting out more words, attempting to focus.

I am taking advantage of every distraction today. On top of already being easily swayed from doing stuff I'm supposed to, I find my mind other places then where it needs to be. I'm not saying I've ever really had a strong focus when it comings to doing things I don't really want to do. I have even less focus right now. I feel numb, disconnected and basically out in left field. I want to be able to enjoy the comfort of my family, but I have obligations that are eating up my time. If I could only focus and get it out of the way, I could sit and just be, but I can't seem to give it my full attention.

How do I focus on what I need to get done? How do I clear my mind of regrets and what if's? I know she'd be annoyed if she knew her passing was making it so hard for me to concentrate. I can't let it go, and most of all I can't believe she's gone. My Mom gave me some good advice, get out, go for a walk, it will clear your head. Mom it's raining. So I am resorting to writing, haha if only I could focus all this blogging I'm doing into my Behavioral Science assignment I'd be all set. It'd be done already, or at least started more then a title page.

I don't know what we are eating for supper. I don't know what chapters I'm doing this assignment on. I don't know what articles I'm doing this assignment with. I guess that means I don't know much of anything right now. I can't make up my mind. There is so much to go over in my head. It doesn't help that the last few chapters I had to read dealt with losing a parent, and grieving. That didn't help, it only served to distract me further. So here I am attempting to empty my head in a futile attempt to gain some sort of motivation. Some sort of drive to complete. She was always proud of me going to school. More motivation to finish my degree. That's unfortunately not helping me to finish these assignments that I got extensions on.

I've looked at her pictures. I've talked to her. I've asked her to help me understand why she had to go. I guess it was just her time. That doesn't make it fair, but I hear that life isn't fair. I was on my way home the day she passed. I was listening to music and just driving. The clouds in places looked as though they were brushed and others looked as though they were drawn. The sun was shining and beautiful. There was peace that day, the calm after the storm. There was no peace with in because the storm raged on. I continue to struggle with unanswered questions. Questions I'm learning may forever remain unanswered. I smiled a little on the way home, as I'm picturing my Grandma all healthy on a cloud. She's dressed in white, sitting at a table enjoying a cup of coffee with a cigarette in hand. A smile on her face. I know she doesn't want me to worry about her. I know she is no longer in pain. Her battle is over.  Now for the rest of us to carry on.

Still Struggling.

I didn't make it while she was still alive, but I did get to say goodbye, which helped a little. We are never ready to say goodbye to ones we love, but sometimes they are ready to go. Having fought this disease for so long, and having decided to give up treatment. She was ready. She had made peace with the fact she was on her way out of this world. Sadly none of us were ready for her to go, but we were ready to see her suffering be over.

I think the least helpful thing that people have been saying, "at least she isn't suffering anymore.". While I know this is true, that statement doesn't ease the pain. I'm glad she is no longer suffering, but I wish she were alive and healthy. There are at least half a dozen people I would have traded for her. Here God take this one, leave her here. It's always the good ones that go. Which just makes our life journey here more difficult. I would say I've made peace with having to eventually say goodbye to most everyone I love, but that would be a lie.

Death is such a hard thing, because it makes us think about what comes after this. Scientifically speaking, there is not much proof of anything after this life. That is the hardest part, thinking that our loved ones are just gone. That once they are no longer here in body, they don't exist anymore. Believing anything else is usually a form of religion that has to be taken on faith. I struggle with what I believe. I would love to believe that the ones I love that are lost become angels, or spirits. That they come and visit us to comfort and show they are still around.

Today my thoughts go out to my Mom and my Aunt, as they take on the task of making all the calls.

I know it hurts for me, I can't imagine what they are going through.

Tomorrow... I go. =(

I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be one of the hardest days of my life. I'm not even sure if there is anything I can do to prepare myself. I anticipate falling apart and crying, beyond that I'm not sure what to expect from myself. This is new for me, and I have to say this is part of life I've come to loath.  I can't concentrate, it's all I think about. So I've decided to move my trip to tomorrow. There is nothing more important to me then my family.


I've decided that not knowing and not being there is the worst part of all this. That I hear they are waiting for someone to come pray with them. In honor of my Grandma I changed my Facebook profile picture to the breast cancer ribbon. I was reading last night and realized I knew very little about Cancer. It's hard to understand what is happening in the body of a loved one, if we don't fully understand what the disease is. With the statistics of the disease my Grandma has, she has beat the odds, even before she decided she was done with treatment. It just reconfirmed something I already knew. She's a fighter, and always has been. When they told her she had Cancer, she kept on, head held high with the confidence that she was going to beat this thing. In her way she did. She lived longer then the statistics said she should have. She was even in remission at one point. I will never forget her smile, and her laugh. How she reheated her coffee in the microwave over and over. How she worked so hard everyday for everything in her life. 


So how am I supposed to concentrate now. How am I supposed to focus with this lump in my throat. Crying hasn't fixed it. I don't see tomorrow being any easier, but I have to and want to go. 


I told the kids that the time had come, that their Great Grammy was passing on soon. Both kids had questions varying in different degrees. I guess age has something to do with that. I answered their questions the best I could. Julie drew pictures of flowers for Great Grammy, their Grammy (my Mom), and her Great Aunt (my Aunt) which I thought was sooo sweet. 


I was reading on the couch today for my writing assignment and my calendar went off reminding me that in a half an hour I had a nail appointment. So I ran around with my head cut off for fifteen minutes trying to get ready to go. I have the pink Breast Cancer ribbon on each nail. Thank you Kristi Bessette, you did a fantastic job. 


Part of the reason for my difficulty in concentrating on my school is the name of one of my assignments.  It's a Life Span Scrap Book for my Behavioral Science class. When I start to focus on starting the assignment, all I can think about is my Grandma's life. This is something I'm going to have to get past, if I'm ever going to get this assignment done. 


I want to thank all of you for reading my rants. This blog is a healthy outlet for me. A way to voice my thoughts and feelings with people other then those that live with me. 

=( *Edited*

Do you ever feel like the carrot is always out of reach? That whenever you think you've caught a break, you realize it's another obstacle standing in your way? That there is a ceiling between where you are and where you want to be, that you just can't get past. I think we all have days where we feel like that. Like no matter what we do we are still stuck, in the same place or town away from where we need to be.

Getting a break means fighting hard. Harder maybe then you've ever fought before. It's making a change or accepting one that was given to you. My Grandma worked hard every day to make a living, even when she was going through treatment. I went up and helped her, so she wouldn't work quite so hard. I went up and stayed with her when I was in school and she felt so awful she wanted someone there at night incase something happened. My Mom works just as hard every day, to make a living. She helps everyone near and dear to her, if she can, and rarely takes time for herself. Once she finally does get time she's doing stuff around the house, or collapsing in exhaustion. My Mom has fought, and won so far to date her life's biggest battle. My Grandma fought and fought, till she decided she didn't want to fight anymore. She waits for peace as she continues to struggle with a battle she knows she's losing. Anxiously waiting to leave this world.

I realized after writing this, I left someone out. My Aunt Shelley, she's worked hard over the last 2 years taking care of my Grandma every day. Watching her struggles, feeling her pain, something that isn't easy. This is something that no one can even begin to understand unless they have gone through it every single day. Now she struggles with pain and anger as she soon has to say goodbye to her Mom. I can't even imagine what this is like. My hats off to her for how strong she has been through this long and hard journey.

This experience has been hard on everyone involved, but mostly because we haven't been able to fix it. It's hard not being able to be there every day, but it's hard also being there every day.

How do you deal with knowing you may not wake up when you go to sleep? How do you say goodbye when you don't want to?

I think this week has been the most difficult as far as concentration is concerned. I can't seem to focus long enough to get anything done.

Update/Tears

I started a blog entry earlier today, but never got a chance to finish it. Kaylee ended up waking up, and the kids got home from school. Speaking of Kaylee she is sick again. Running a fever or who knows what, I'll check that out in the morning. In the meantime she is asleep under the influence of Infants Advil.

Julie fell asleep on the couch, I'm pretty sure her and her brother were reading. I was trying to finish up my last two work orders. No school for me tonight, so I'm extra screwed the rest of the week. Awesome huh? Story of my life until school is over I've decided. I've marked the calendar for May 12th, that is my freedom date for this years classes. What I was all excited about in my previous blog, that I never got the chance to post, was that I have new tech. So finally no more fear of worrying that one morning I'm going to wake up and my computer just isn't going to work.

Today was the kids third day with no TV after school. They've only asked twice, once was to watch a family movie(I was proud I didn't give in). The second time was to play the Wii, Just Dance (I didn't give in to that either). I've decided the kids concentrate better on their homework when they know they can't watch TV. Tyler hasn't had to call home once this week so far. He even seems happier, and is a little easier to deal with.

_Subject Change - below this line.
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When we leave this world how do we know we've left our mark? How do we know we will be remembered? Our loved ones will have memories and photos, their children will have photos and hopefully stories. The women in my family are stubborn. I'm proud of that. We get something in our mind and that's that. My Grandma Fullam taught me that a woman should let no man run her life. She might not realize it, but she plays a strong role in who I am today. She never let anyone stand in her way, and if she felt it was wrong she spoke up and spoke up loud. She's always been there even if I didn't think I could call her. Oh how I wish I hadn't been so stubborn, but I learn from the best right? My Mom is the same way, her and Grandma have had their share of fights going stretches without talking. I guess being stubborn runs in the blood. I am going Monday to have to say Goodbye to this sweet woman. As I type it, my throat knots up, I wish I could cash in all the time wasted. I always struggle wanting to fix everything. I hope she recognizes me still. I hope she knows how very much I love her, and how very much the time I spent with her means to me. She's not gone yet, but everyone says they don't know when, and it won't be long. I wish she didn't have to go, but I don't want her to have to suffer anymore.

Tattoo/Brief Update.

In the previous post you'll find pictures of my new tattoo. The top one where the frog is green is the finished product. She did a fantastic job, and I LOVE IT! It is a little sore today, but she said to have it feel like a sunburn combined with a scrape.  It wasn't bad this morning, can't wait till it's all healed up!

Here it is again, yet another Friday. I can't even begin to explain how much I wanted to stay in bed this morning. Come to find out I could have, the kids didn't have their get up and go thing at school. I got up anyway, the baby was mad. Things are slow here today, I have to get ready for the two PartyLite shows I'm doing today and tomorrow, and I also have to get back into my school site a little.

I have my new Macbook on it's way, we decided to order it before my school money came in. The Macbook I'm using now is on it's way out, and could stop working any day. I can't have that happen especially with school.

It's quiet in the house right now. The only sound I hear is the sound of the dryer, laundry is the reason I'm not napping right now. Well back to being productive, or at least attempting to be. I hope everyone enjoys their Friday!

Kids Update.

The older kids reluctantly went to school this morning. Although my husband says that Julie put on quite the show to try and convince him she couldn't go. What little girl has yet to realize is that we see through her pretend drama. She's not quite a seasoned actor yet. Kaylee seems to be feeling better today, although by the way she's been sleeping lately you wouldn't think she was. To bed around 7pm up around 9 or 10pm to nurse, back to bed then up again anywhere between 2:30 and 3:30am then she's back to bed till around 7am. I'm not sure why all of a sudden she's back to getting up a couple of times a night, but as the one that gets up with her, I have to say I don't like it. I'll give her another week to feel back to herself, before I start trying to figure out why she's not sleeping the same. That is of course if she hasn't reverted back to her usual sleep schedule. I have to say I miss my sleep, but it's not so hard on me when my awesome husband lets me sleep in during the week. I'm not sure where my sanity would be without that man, he's the best.

Sitting here with my coffee next to me listening to Kaylee over the baby monitor babbling to herself. She is down for her first nap, although she takes this opportunity to practice her vocal skills. I think she is going through another large change. I say this because she's very temper-mental lately. She whines a lot, I think because she's frustrated. She wants to crawl so bad, but just isn't there yet. So she gets very frustrated with her limitation very easily, of course it doesn't help that she's a little lazy butt. 

I have today and tomorrow to finish a weeks worth of school work. Let's see if I can do it. I have so much going on Thursday, Friday and Saturday that Sunday will be the last time I'll have time to touch my school stuff and I have things due Wednesday and Sunday. I hate to leave things to the last minute, because then I get all stressed out about it, and have a hard time focusing on getting it done.

Sometimes I wonder what life is like for those people that don't go to school on top of taking care of a family. What just taking care of a family feels like. I was there at one point in time, but was under so much stress I don't remember what it was like. If it's like my summers are, oh how I would love that all the time. I'm stubborn though and refuse to let go of a dream just because that would be the easier thing to do. To some a degree is just a piece of paper, to me it's a sign of accomplishment. It's a reason for me to be proud of myself. I'm proud of myself know, but really I haven't accomplished much in the work place. I want a specific job, and that specific job requires a degree. Sometimes it's difficult to keep that in focus, especially with everything going on around me. It's something I have to remind myself of every time I sit down to do homework, this is going to add up to something.

I also hope that the older kids see me doing school and take from that the importance of education. Tyler is struggling with being responsible, because being lazy and doing what he wants he thinks is easier. I have people telling me that I need to monitor more of his homework, and make sure it gets done. You know what? He's 10 and can do his whole homework load in 15-20mins every day excluding reading. There are times he sits down and does it all with no issues. There are times he lies and says he has none, because he would rather play xbox. I've devised a plan to help him, without me having to micromanage his afternoons. If Monday or Tuesday he doesn't turn in all his homework at school then he misses his Wednesday music lesson. If Thursday or Friday he doesn't do it, he'll miss yet another music lesson. He is a smart boy, he just needs to learn a little responsibility. So I'm teaching him that if he doesn't do his studies, his extra curricular music lesson will be taken away. If that doesn't motivate him to get his studies done, he'll loose the xbox/TV time on the weekdays. The kids know we are available to help if they have issues with their homework.  Also everyday I ask them what they have for homework, and I always ask if they are going to need help. It's not like I'm uninvolved. I'm just not going to be checking his backpack all the way through high school and if I don't teach him responsibility now that's what'll happen.

Sadly I can't make everyone happy, like usual, I just do what feels right, and what I think is best. That's all we can do while raising our children right?